Striving For Felicity

Personal Growth, Success + Lifestyle Tips

admin

The 5 Love Languages Book Review + 5 Lessons

Blog, Personal Development

The 5 Love Languages Review

Synopsis

“The 5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman is a #1 bestseller and has been translated in multiple languages. It is part of The 5 Love Languages Series.

After years of marriage counseling, Gary Chapman concluded that there are 5 Love Languages and that every one of us has one primary love language.

Through working with numerous couples, he realized how often romantic partners do not know how to love their significant other in his/her language.

Recognizing this as the main reason for the end of marriages, Chapman has set out to teach people about the different Love Languages so that they can create a long-lasting and loving relationship.

Review

“The 5 Love Languages” is a book everyone should read. No matter if you are in a relationship or not. It motivates to put in the effort necessary for a loving relationship.

Furthermore, Gary Chapman shows in different stories of couples he met throughout his marriage counseling years, that you can always reignite the love in your relationship.

In itself, the concept of the 5 Love Languages is stunningly simple. That´s why it is so surprising that most people have no clue what their own or their partner´s love language is.

Understanding each other´s Love Language makes it so that you can conclusively show your partner the love you feel for them. What could be more frustrating than not being able to make your partner understand how much you love them?

In the first years of a relationship, this principle of knowing each other´s love language might sound unnecessary. But if you aim for a longterm relationship, I believe this really can help you keep the love alive. And once you know how to do it, it´s straightforward.

So I´d say read the book! It might spare you some heartbreak and expensive divorces.

One thing I want to mention is that these 5 Love Languages are not just valuable for your romantic relationships. They also prove essential with your family, friends, at the workplace and with raising your children.

Lessons

1. There are 5 Love Languages:

1. Words of Affirmation

You can speak love by encouraging or affirming your partner.

Verbal criticism hurts people with this love language more than you might think.

Try to give them unexpected compliments through cards or text messages.

2. Quality Time

Spend uninterrupted and focused one on one time with each other.

You do not spend quality time with each other if you are watching TV at the same time!

Take at least a little time every day to spend with your partner. Put away your phone, turn off the TV. Maybe go out to eat something or take a walk. Going to the Fitness Studio together can be Quality Time as well.

3. Acts of Service

Doing things they´d like you to do speaks love the loudest for people with this love language.

Don´t ignore your partner if he/she complains about you not doing something. It´s a shout for help. They want to feel more loved!

Don´t just guess what they´d like you to do. Ask them for a list of things you could do around the house and then choose different things to do. For some people seeing their partner fold the laundry speaks love louder than a hundred kisses.

4. Receiving Gifts

Give your partner thoughtful and appropriate gifts.

Don´t just gift them something because you don´t want it.

Those gifts do not need to be huge or expensive. Pick up some flowers or make a handmade collage of some holiday pictures. You don´t need to find something for each day, but you should do it regularly.

5. Physical Touch

Physical Touch doesn´t just mean kisses, hugs or sex. Sometimes putting your hand on their shoulder or back is everything they need.

Don´t deny them physical touch and never EVER physically abuse them!

2. There is a difference between in-love and real love

Getting into new relationships, people usually fall “in love.” They are supremely happy and in utter bliss. Everything else in the world becomes meaningless in comparison to the love they feel.

You believe you will never fall out of love and that this is The One. However, falling out of love is natural.

Through studies the late psychologist Dr. Dorothy Tennov found out that the average “in-love” obsession lasts for about two years.

Now although that might sound depressing at first, it is a good thing. Can you imagine a world full of people who don´t take anything seriously anymore because of their love obsession? Businesses and states would crumble.

But does that mean that love is gone after two years, and you have to move on and find a new obsession? Absolutely not!

It just means that it is now time to pursue Real Love. And that leads us to the next lesson.

3. Love is a choice!

Now, this is good news because it means we can continue our relationship after the love obsession has faded away. Admittedly, it might sound unromantic but hear me out.

Every one of us has a “love tank” as Gary Chapman calls it. If your love tank is full, you feel loved and want to send out love too. If it is empty, you feel miserable.

Our love tank doesn´t need to be filled through a romantic relationship. Family, friends and to some extent pets can fill it too.

That is why you can feel happy and loved as a single. Especially children need to feel that love coming from their parents.

Now, how does our Love Tank fill up?

If people speak one of the 5 Love Languages to us, it fills our tank. However, especially our primary Love Language can make our tank overflow with love.

So, where does that lead us with choosing love?

If you know your partner’s primary love language and you want them to feel loved, all you have to do is choose to speak that love language.

And expressing it doesn´t have to come naturally for you. You hate cooking but your partner’s primary love language is Acts of Service, and she/he would like you to cook? Then cook! You are not the touchy kind of person but your partners primary Love Language is Physical Touch? You better start getting over yourself!

In the end, loving someone has to come voluntarily. You can´t just force your partner to speak your love language. But if you start to make them feel loved chances are they get happier and happier and in return want to make you feel loved.

So the key to a longlasting love-relationship is merely being willing to figure out your partners love language and to put in the effort to speak it regularly.

4. There are different Love Dialects

Just like every language has different dialects so do the 5 Love Languages.

While one person with Quality Time as their primary Love Language may want to have deep conversations with their partner, the other may want to do exciting activities together.

Again, the key is to listen attentively to your partner’s needs. Communicate with them. Find out what they want and then try to do just that.

5. Love changes your life!

It is commonly known, that love is an emotion to strive for. There are thousands of movies, books, and songs about the topic.

But despite love in itself being desirable, the side effects are also fantastic!

When you are in a loving relationship, you feel secure. You know that whatever should happen you always have somebody waiting for you, who has your back. Your partner and that security he/she provides might even encourage you to start your own business.

Love also raises your self-worth. If somebody loves you, you obviously must be lovable — this knowledge builds your self-esteem.

And lastly, love makes you feel significant. And we all strive for some form of significance in life.

Of course, there is much more to learn from “The 5 Love Languages“. Gary Chapman talks extensively about the different Love Languages. Therefore I recommend you read the book for yourself.

If you are interested into more inpirational books, check out my Reading List for Personal Growth, which I update regularly.

Law of Attraction 101 – All the basics you need to know

Blog, Personal Development

The Law Of Attraction 101

What is the Law of Attraction?

The Law of Attraction is based on the principle that like attracts like.

Meaning if you put positive energy out into the world through positive emotions, thoughts, and actions, you will receive the same positive energy back — the same works for negative energy.

Following this principle, you can manifest different things or events into your life by sending out the right energy.

Although the Law of Attraction has only become widely spread in recent decades and is therefore called a “New Age belief” it has a long history.

Already back in 391 BC did the philosopher Plato write “likes tend towards likes.”

I don´t want to dive too deep in history, but according to the Secret, there is evidence pointing to the law of attraction being used by Einstein and Beethoven.

Modern believers in the Law of Attraction are Oprah, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Will Smith, Jim Carrey, and Conor Mcgregor.

This page contains affiliate links. If you purchase a product through one of them, I will receive a commission (at no additional cost to you). I only ever recommend products that I have personally used and loved. Thank you for your support!

How the Law of Attraction works

There are three basic steps for manifestation:

1. Set an intention

First, you need to set an intention. You need to decide what exactly it is that you want to manifest. And I want to emphasize the word WANT. If you don´t really want the thing you are asking for, the universe will notice that, and it will become harder for you to attract it.

Let´s take this blog for example. I really want to manifest a successful online business that allows me to be financially free and provide the world with value. That is my intention.

2. Focus on sending out positive energy

After you decided on what you want to manifest you need to start sending positive energy out into the world. Because as mentioned before the basic principle behind the Law of Attraction is like attracts like.

Therefore if you want to attract a positive travel experience, you need to have positive energy around the topic of travel.

Manifestation happens when your thoughts, emotions, and actions are all aligned and send out positive energy.

And that makes sense, already Gandhi said:

“Your beliefs become your thoughts,
Your thoughts become your words,
Your words become your actions,
Your actions become your habits,
Your habits become your values,
Your values become your destiny.”

– Mahatma Gandhi

There are many different techniques on manifesting and how to align those three components. I will mention them down below and create different Blog posts on each of them.

Let´s look at this Blog again.

I use positive affirmations daily and do not allow myself limiting thoughts around my business. This way my thoughts have positive energy.

Then I also work to get my emotions in a positive state. I read about other peoples success stories and make vision boards showing my life once I have that successful business. Through all of that, I get really excited, and my positive emotions create strong energy.

But of course, you won´t attract anything if you just sit happily around, full of positive emotions and wait for it to happen magically. No, you need to put the work in, that is required on your part.

You need to take massive action directed at your goal of which you are absolutely sure it will happen.

Only because I created a blog and work on it every day, does the universe see how serious I am.

We probably all know some people who are all wishful thinking but do not put in the work. They won´t manifest their goal. Same goes for the ones that do put in the work but do not believe it is achievable for them.

Only when your thoughts, emotions, AND actions are aligned will the universe give you what you´ve asked for.

3. Let go! Have absolute faith

After you have set your intention and send out the right energy through your thoughts, emotions, and actions, there is one final and probably the most challenging step.

You need to let go!

In the end, the universe won´t deliver faster just because you overthink it.

In fact, trying to manifest it too much sends out a message of lack. If you are so very desperate to have it, you obviously lack the very thing you want.

And what did we learn?
Like attracts like. Therefore lack attracts more lack.

At a certain point, you need to let go of your manifestation. Have faith that it will come to you when the time is right and continue to send out positive energy but in a relaxed manner. Act as if you already have the very thing you are asking for.

Manifestation Tools

There are many different ways to practice the Law of Attraction. There is no right way to do it, and every technique can be equally powerful.

It all depends on which is better suited for you and the situation you want to use it in.

As I said before, I am planning on making a separate Blog post for each one of them. But for now, here is a quick overview:

  • Visualization
  • Scripting
  • Acting as if
  • Affirmations
  • Gratification
  • The two cup method
  • vision boards
  • evidence boards
  • crystals
  • sage
  • moon cycle rituals
  • 55 x 5 method
  • …

Is the Law of Attraction real?

Now, I am aware that this all might sound very hocus-poky. But despite the many successful manifestation stories we can find online there is also scientific evidence for the LoA.

Over the years many different scientific studies have proven the power of positive thought. Just think about all those placebo cases. People manage to heal themselves by believing in the healing effects of placebo medicine.

Furthermore, Neurologists found out that for your brain it makes no difference whether you actually experience a particular situation or you just vividly visualize it. The brain activity is the same. And we all know that things become easier the more often you do them. So the more often you visualize yourself doing certain things, the easier it will get for you to actually do them because your brain already did it.

Psychologists have recognized the power of positive affirmations for a while now. That is also why all those life coaches always urge you to say positive affirmations. Millions of people have already discovered the power behind that.

However, should you still not believe in the Law of Attraction, I advise you to try it out. To be honest, I still don´t have as much faith into it as I wish I´d have. But practicing the basic principles has truly enhanced my life.

Of course, if this is your first time reading about the Law of Attraction, you won´t just become faithful after you read this post. But if you practice the principles and try your best, you slowly but surely start to see some small results, which begin building up your faith.

Just try it out. What do you have to lose?

In which ways can I benefit from the Law of Attraction?

Whether the Law of Attraction works for you or not, I believe there are multiple benefits to it besides being able to manifest things into your life.

Firstly, the Law of Attraction gets you to develop a more positive and powerful mindset in your day to day life. You´ll learn to feel so incredibly blessed by the things you have in life. And that drastically increases your happiness.

The Law of Attraction can make you feel more certain about your future and your path in life. It teaches you that you can achieve anything you want in life if you take massive action supported by the right emotions and mindset.

It also helps you to feel less lonely. The Law of Attraction makes you feel like the universe has your back, no matter what happens. That life happens for you and not to you.

Law of Attraction Sources

To bring this post to an end, I am going to list some of my favorite Law of Attraction sources. I am sure you are going to benefit from them greatly! Whenever I find more, I´ll be sure to list them here.

Books (Reading List for Personal Growth)

Movies

  • The Secret – Netflix

YouTubers

The Backlash against Underdogs

Blog, Personal Development

Today I want to discuss a feeling, which recently held entry into my life. From time to time I´m still struggling with it, and I hope that this text might help others who feel similar about the topic.

Now as you might already know since last year, I am very much into self-development. Half a year ago that passion broadened into entrepreneurship.

If you´ve ever been interested in those two topics, you probably know that they are very much interlinked and that many successful entrepreneurs are into self-development.

The internet contains endless information about the different entrepreneur habits, mindsets and success stories.

I want to focus on a concept inside this niche that I stumbled over time and time again — the concept of Underdogs.

Now, as I already mentioned there is a variety of different underdog stories out there. Stories about successful people with a competitive disadvantage. Of people who had a painful past but worked hard enough to make it to the top eventually and now inspire millions of people.

Those stories are meant to inspire us, to motivate us to pursue our dreams. We keep thinking “If they can do it so can I! They had it much worse. I already have a head start so why shouldn’t I be able to do it?!”

I am sure everyone has had that thought at one point in their lives. I am no exception to that. And that´s precisely the positive reaction those stories should evoke.

But as I continued to hear about more underdog stories of the successful people I look up to, doubts started to creep into my mind. I realized that seemingly ALL successful people had had a difficult past. They all had to face hardships at one point in their life.

Let´s look at some examples:

  • As a kid, Elon Musk had been severely bullied in school. He suffered beatings that left him with a jagged septum, and he even had to be hospitalized at one point.
  • One of the most influential women of our time, Oprah, had been sexually abused at only nine years old. Throughout her childhood, she had been abused and beaten, which led to her acting out and getting herself pregnant at just 14 years-old. Her child died within two weeks after birth.
  • J.K. Rowling, who gifted us one of the most incredible fictional universes that we have, struggled immensely before Harry Potter had its break-through. She was a broke, jobless single mom, who struggled with bouts of depression. Twelve of the major publishers all rejected her book, but she kept trying.

I am sure you know many more successful people, who had to overcome tough times in their lives.

In the last few months, I realized that even most of the somewhat successful YouTubers I follow have either struggled with anxiety, depression, an eating disorder, had been overweight, bullied, broke or even considered suicide at one point in their lives.

It came to a point when I started to feel like a tough past was mandatory for success in life.

Please don´t understand me wrong! Of course, I do not wish to have had their experiences in life. And I absolutely think that they deserve every ounce of success they worked so hard to achieve.

Still, it made me wonder.

I have never been bullied. I have never been over- or underweight. I´ve never been broke. I never had depression or anxiety. Overall I grew up in a loving family, had loyal friends and good grades in school. I have always been a happy person and enjoyed living life.

Of course, throughout the years I had to overcome a few difficulties but nothing you would call hardships ten years later.

So that raises the question:

Is success reserved to those who struggled hardest in life?

No, of course not.

If you search for them, you can find many successful people, who never faced such severe hardships.

Should you ever feel like your life has been too fortunate for you to be successful (it even sounds weird, doesn´t it?), search the internet for someone successful, who had a life similar to yours right now.

Trust me, on a planet full of 7.6 billion people there will be at least one person out there.

For me that means looking for law students turned into successful entrepreneurs. At this moment, my two inspirations are Mel Robbins and Lilia Kazakova from Lily Like.

And yes, those two have faced their own hardships along the way. But since they were law students like me, I feel like I am capable of doing what they did.

Another advice I can give you is to study your idols. Many successful people have published a biography in which they describe the hardships they faced throughout their life.

Read about it and learn!

Those people have traveled the arduous path and have learned valuable lessons that got them to where they are today. You don´t need to face those difficulties yourself. Internalize the lessons which took them years to learn.

Chances are you have faced some difficulties in your life that they never have and therefore you have made your own valuable lessons. Combine your lessons with those of your idols and you have a toolkid for success.

There is no single path to success and success is not reserved for one type of person. The only thing that counts is the effort you put in and the resilience you show.

So keep using these underdog stories for positive change in your life and never ever let them hold you back!

The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle Book Review + 10 Lessons

Blog, Personal Development

the power of now

Synopsis

“The Power of Now” is the first book by the German-born writer and spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle. Although it had already been published in 1997, it only reached the #1 New York Times bestseller list five years later after Oprah shared which profound effects it had on her.

Since then Tolle has become globally renowned for his spiritual teachings and published multiple other books. Among them the bestseller “A New Earth.”

Until he was twenty-nine years old, Eckhart Tolle was plagued with anxiety and suicidal depression. One morning, as he hit rock bottom, Tolle underwent a sudden inner transformation. For months after that, he lived in a state of deep inner peace. People started to pick up on his blissful being and asked for his advice. “The Power of Now” is one of Tolle´s answers to that.

His primary teaching inside the book is simple: You can only find true bliss and inner peace if you live in the present moment!

Review

I had a very ambivalent reading experience. Although that was partly my own fault. I hadn´t informed myself about the book, and I had never read any other book by Eckhart Tolle. That´s why after only a few pages I had been quite surprised to find out how deeply spiritual this book is.

Now, I do not have anything against spiritual books, I actually find them rather intriguing. But it was indeed something to get used to.

After that, the first half of the book was more or less difficult to read. To me, it almost felt like Tolle was telling me over and over again only in different words that I needed to be present.

In addition to that, I struggled with accepting the extent to which Tolle wants you to separate from your mind.

But that reaction is to be expected, says Eckhart Tolle, since you keep thinking with your mind and your mind obviously doesn´t want you to break free from it.

But I believe that´s precisely what happened to me after half of the book. Suddenly, reading it became more comfortable. I began to comprehend the different messages and started to implement them into my daily life.

If I am anxious or frustrated about something I now concentrate on the present moment. Because in the present moment there are no real problems.

So, would I recommend you to read “A Power of Now”?

Definitely!

Even after reading half of the book, I noticed myself growing significantly. I am definitely going to reread the book at a different stage of my life.

If we could all just adopt the state of being in the present, our world would turn into a paradise. Literally.

So read the book and be part of the spiritually enlightened people that will change this world!

Read also: Reading List For Personal Growth

“To end the misery that has afflicted the human condition for thousands of years, you have to start with yourself and take responsibility for your inner state at any given moment. That means now.”


― Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment

Lessons

1. The present moment is all there is!

Our life consists of a series of present moments. The past and future are just constructions of our mind.

“Realize deeply that the present moment is all you have. Make the NOW the primary focus of your life.”


― Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment


2. True inner peace and bliss can only be found in the present moment

If you think about the future, you often are anxious about things that are outside of your control. If you think of the past, you get depressed about things you can´t ever relive.

The present moment has no real problems. Are you angry and anxious to get late to work because you are standing in traffic? You are thinking ahead. Right then and there, in the present moment, you are sitting in your car. That´s it. There is nothing wrong about this exact moment.

Are you depressed, that you lost all of your childhood pictures with precious memories? That´s certainly a frustrating experience, but right now, at this moment, it doesn´t matter. There is nothing you can do about it right now. Accept the situation for what it is and focus on the present moment.

“All negativity is caused by an accumulation of psychological time and denial of the present. Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry – all forms of fear – are caused by too much future, and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of nonforgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence.”


― Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment

3. In every situation, there are only three main options for you to choose

“If you find your here and now intolerable and it makes you unhappy, you have three options: remove yourself from the situation, change it, or accept it totally. If you want to take responsibility for your life, you must choose one of those three options, and you must choose now. Then accept the consequences.”


― Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment

4. Most people are rarely really present

Nowadays, we see it everywhere, but I believe the best example are tourists. Have you ever noticed how tourists, take hundreds, thousands of pictures while they travel, so that they can show them around and relive the moment once they are back home?

But in reality, they never really lived the moment in the first place. They merely witnessed parts of it through their camera screen.

Just be in the moment, completely. Turn of your mind put away any distractions and focus on your senses. What are you seeing? What are you hearing? How does it smell?

“Time isn’t precious at all, because it is an illusion. What you perceive as precious is not time but the one point that is out of time: the Now. That is precious indeed. The more you are focused on time—past and future—the more you miss the Now, the most precious thing there is.”

― Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment

5. Thinking does not equal consciousness

“Thinking and consciousness are not synonymous. Thinking is only a small aspect of consciousness. Thought cannot exist without consciousness, but consciousness does not need thought.”

― Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment

6. Situations do not cause unhappiness

It is no secret, that different people can perceive the same situation absolutely different.

Just take it as it is. Do not label it and be grateful to be experiencing that moment. That way, unhappiness won´t stand a chance!

“The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but thought about it. Be aware of the thoughts you are thinking. Separate them from the situation, which is always neutral. It is as it is.”

― Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment

7. Happiness comes from within

Just think about all those celebrities who have fast cars, big houses, dream vacations, fancy clothes but are depressive or even commit suicide.

Outside pleasure is great, but it can´t create inside joy.

“Pleasure is always derived from something outside you, whereas joy arises from within.”

― Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment

8. You can go through life without ever living it

This is one of my greatest fears in life. To not enjoy the present moment enough and always live in the future.

Because one day, that future won´t come anymore.

Read also: 15 Ways To Live A Life You Won´t Regret

“It is not uncommon for people to spend their whole life waiting to start living.”

― Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment

9. How to be more present

  • Through self-observation. Observe your thoughts. The moment you realize that you are not present, you become present.
  • Surrender to the present moment. Resignation is not surrender! Surrender means accepting the present moment for what it is without labeling it. Then you can recognize that you want to get out of it and take the necessary action.

10. The mind is the “enemy”

Now, this is a problematic concept, and I resisted it quite a bit. No wonder! We live in a society that praises thinking. The whole educational system raises us to constantly use our mind.

But if you are thinking, you are not in the present moment. Whenever we are thinking we lose the feeling of inner peace and are more prone to unhappiness.

Read also: 11 Effective Ways to Deal with Overwhelm

“Why does the mind habitually deny or resist the Now? Because it cannot function and remain in control without time, which is past and future, so it perceives the timeless Now as threatening. Time and mind are in fact inseparable.” – Eckhart Tolle


― Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment