Striving For Felicity

Personal Growth, Success + Lifestyle Tips

Personal Development

Digital Minimalism Book Review | 11 Lessons + Quotes

Blog, Books, Personal Development

Are you spending too much time on your phone or social media? Here is the Digital Minimalism book review you need!

Read also: Ego is the Enemy Book Review | 11 Lessons + Quotes

Book Review

Digital Minimalism by Cal Newport is a great book for everyone who spends a lot of time on their phone and social media. Firstly, the book is very convincing on why we should do something about this habit. Secondly, it gives the reader the necessary ‘detox’ tools which go deeper than most ‘hacks’ you find online.

For someone who rarely spares a glance at social media and uses her phone for less than the average person, many of the book’s arguments and tips were not new to me. Still, I’ve gotten enough value out of the book so that it’s been an interesting read. 

Lessons

1. Small changes are unlikely to stick; you have to do a hard detox

“Digital Minimalism A philosophy of technology use in which you focus your online time on a small number of carefully selected and optimized activities that strongly support things you value, and then happily miss out on everything else.”

– Cal Newport (Digital Minimalism)

I’m not entirely agreeing with this first lesson. I believe that with enough discipline, small changes can leave a lasting impression on your phone use. 

However, I can see why it is easier for many people to do a hard detox, as Cal Newport found with his feedback. 

So consider doing a two-week or one-month digital detox to override the bad habits you’ve developed. 

2. Do the detox for the sake of lasting change

“The goal is not to simply give yourself a break from technology, but to instead spark a permanent transformation of your digital life. The detoxing is merely a step that supports this transformation.”

– Cal Newport (Digital Minimalism)

A digital detox can induce a lasting and significant change in your habits and, therefore, the quality of your life.

However, it’s harder to reap these rewards if you view the detox as nothing else than a one-week/one-month break. 

Yes, it’s also meant to give you some time away from your phone and social media accounts. But much more important is the effect the detox can have in the long run for you. 

So start it with the goal in mind of forever changing your relationship to digital tools. That way, your motivation to see it through to the end will be much higher.

3. After the detox, many lose their taste for the platform they’d obsessed over

“minimalists don’t mind missing out on small things; what worries them much more is diminishing the large things they already know for sure make a good life good.”

– Cal Newport (Digital Minimalism)

“An interesting experience shared by some participants was that they eagerly returned to their optional technologies only to learn they had lost their taste for them.”

– Cal Newport (Digital Minimalism)

Sometimes we can be discouraged from trying a digital detox because it feels as if we could never maintain enough self-discipline outside of detox to truly use our social media and phone less. 

So why try it if we are just going to fall back into our old habits afterward?

Fortunately, and somewhat surprisingly, many people realize that post-digital detox, they have slightly lost their taste for the social media they’ve been so obsessed with.

On the first day after the detox, they excitedly open up Instagram or Facebook only to aimlessly scroll and tap around a bit. Quickly they lose interest and close the app in favor of spending their time more satisfyingly.

4. Mental solitude is crucial for a happy and high performing life

“Everyone benefits from regular doses of solitude, and, equally important, anyone who avoids this state for an extended period of time will, like Lincoln during his early months in the White House, suffer.”

– Cal Newport (Digital Minimalism)

“Solitude requires you to move past reacting to information created by other people and focus instead on your own thoughts and experiences—wherever you happen to be.”

– Cal Newport (Digital Minimalism)

Humans are not meant to be constantly surrounded by social input, be it in the form of participating in or just hearing a conversation, social media captions, podcasts, movies, or books.

We need time away from all this input to have the solitude to sort through our thoughts, gain insights, and healthily process our emotions. 

We need moments to just BE instead of constantly having to REACT what others throw at us. 

5. Constant connection with the online world causes anxiety

“Solitude Deprivation A state in which you spend close to zero time alone with your own thoughts and free from input from other minds.”

– Cal Newport (Digital Minimalism)

“The sudden rise in anxiety-related problems coincided with the first incoming classes of students that were raised on smartphones and social media.”

– Cal Newport (Digital Minimalism)

“Simply put, humans are not wired to be constantly wired.”

– Cal Newport (Digital Minimalism)

Another reason why mental solitude is so important is that being constantly connected has proven the afflict big parts of a whole generation with anxiety. 

Mental health professionals have noticed a clear correlation between the arrival of smartphones with their instant access to social media and messaging apps and a big spike in the recorded cases of anxiety. 

And it makes sense, doesn’t it? Time on social media or messaging apps creates a lot of comparisonitis, FOMO, and the need to uphold a certain persona. 

No wonder a constant exposure to this feeds into the anxiety of a whole generation. 

6. Digital connections don’t come even close to replacing in-person interactions despite what it might feel like

Our species has thrived in large parts because of our superior social skills. 

We can peacefully live and work together in greater numbers than any other species on earth. We can diplomatically solve conflicts when they arrive and leave the situation better than when we entered it. And we can feel empathy and detect lies. 

All these skills have been honed for many thousand years. Our brains have evolved to notice minuscule cues in tone, choice of vocabulary, physiognomy, and more to analyze social interactions accurately. 

Nobody should be surprised that digital messaging can’t ever come close to replacing in-person relationships. 

Of course, it’s great to be able to keep up a relationship even while you’re a great distance away from each other. There are undoubtedly many benefits to modern communication. 

However, the relationships you create or maintain digitally won’t ever satisfy our human need for social contact to the extent in-person relationships do. 

That’s why you should always spend more effort on the in-person relationship than your digital one. Instead of commenting on posts of 20 of your online ‘friends,’ use that time to meet a friend at a café or stroll the park. 

7. Reducing your digital presence has the lovely side effect of getting rid of your shallow/fake ‘friends.’

“Being less available over text, in other words, has a way of paradoxically strengthening your relationship even while making you (slightly) less available to those you care about.”

– Cal Newport (Digital Minimalism)

It might be the introvert in me, but I have absolutely no desire to maintain shallow online ‘friendships.’ 

I like having a couple of close friends, who I meet in person once in a while, and only with them, I am willing to keep up a digital connection as well. 

A digital detox can help you sort out the shallow relationships and keep the true ones. Any friend who can’t deal with you not answering their texts within a day is no real friend at all. 

Still, you can give all your regular contacts a quick warning that you will be less quick to answer in the future. 

8. You will be able to reap the benefits of social platforms while avoiding the disadvantages if you set up clear rules for their use

“They would never simply say, “I use Facebook because it helps my social life.” They would instead declare something more specific, such as: “I check Facebook each Saturday on my computer to see what my close friends and family are up to; I don’t have the app on my phone; I culled my list of friends down to just meaningful relationships.””

– Cal Newport (Digital Minimalism)

Think about the social media benefits Facebook, Instagram & Co. advertise with. It’s about connecting with your friends and family no matter where you are, keeping up to date on what happens with them, and effectively marketing your business. 

We can undoubtedly get all these benefits from using social media. However, if you are honest with yourself, you will quickly realize that you can reap all these benefits in a fraction of the time you spend on social media. 

Checking in once or twice a week is enough to see whether or not something important has happened to your close ones. 

You can block out an hour or two in your weekly schedule to reply to DM’s or comment on any posts. 

You can also block out time to schedule your business content or free a slot for when you plan to go live. 

All these benefits of social media don’t require you to scroll through your feed on an hourly basis. They don’t even need you to look into your account every day. Once in a while is already enough.

Everything beyond that brings more disadvantages than advantages, especially since opening social media once makes it so easy to get sucked into it for longer than you’ve planned. 

If you set up clear rules and a thought-through schedule, you can reap the advantages and avoid the attention traps the founders have integrated. 

9. Stop using social media on your phone and only use it on your laptop

“if you’re going to use social media, stay far away from the mobile versions of these services, as these pose a significantly bigger risk to your time and attention.”

– Cal Newport (Digital Minimalism)

“First, a nontrivial percentage of people who deleted the apps discovered that they essentially stopped using social media altogether. Even the small extra barrier of needing to log in to a computer was enough to prevent them from making the effort—revealing, often to their admitted surprise, that services they claimed were indispensable were in reality providing nothing more than convenient hits of distraction.”

– Cal Newport (Digital Minimalism)

Mobile apps bring social media companies the biggest number of eyeballs and, therefore, the most revenue. 

Unsurprisingly, they spend more resources on optimizing these apps than on optimizing the web versions. Everything about the apps is tweaked to perfection to capture and entrap your attention.

And since you carry your phone constantly with you wherever you go, it’s incredibly easy to enter these apps full of traps. 

The easiest way to avoid this is by defeating the apps on your phone and only using them on your laptop or tablet. 

The more effort it takes to enter the app, the less likely you are to do so. And the less smooth the user experience, the less likely you are to stay in the app. 

Use that to your advantage for the time during and after your digital detox.

10. Doing ‘nothing’ in your free time is grossly overrated

The easiest way to get sucked into attention traps like social media, digital games, Netflix, etc., is by being bored.

Once you are bored, you’ll get drawn to the easy entertainment these services provide. 

And the easiest way to get bored is by doing ‘nothing’ in your free time. 

I get it; I really do

11. Carefully curate a handful of high-quality sides you follow for a certain topic

I’m sure you have a few go-to sites for the topics that interest you, be it news, sports, celebrity gossip, recipes, or styling advice. 

Chances are also that you haven’t spent all too much time and thought on selecting these sites. 

Most likely, you just stumbled over them and then kept coming back because they might have a tiny piece of additional information that wasn’t covered on the other sites. 

The time it takes to gain such a small piece of additional information is clearly wasted. 

You are much better off by carefully preselecting a handful of high-quality sites that cover your chosen topic most thoroughly. 

That way, you can stay up to date and inspired in a fraction of the time it used to take you. 

Have you tried a digital detox before? If so, did you go through with it, and did it leave lasting change? 

I’m curious to hear from you!

Until next time, Felicity Seeker!

11 Signs You Might Be Secretly Unhappy With Your Life

Blog, Personal Development

Unhappiness is not always obvious, even to the unhappy person. Here are 11 signs you might be secretly unhappy with your life. 

Read also: 101 Essays That Will Change The Way You Think | Book Review

Read also: 11 Uncomfortable Realizations You Will Have During Self Improvement

1. You obsess over other peoples lives more than you care about your own

As social creatures, we naturally care about other people and what goes on in their life. 

However, if you spend your days obsessing over reality shows, new Insta posts, scandals, pregnancy rumors, and more, you don’t have much time to think about your own life anymore. 

This lack of interest in yourself might be a sign you are secretly unhappy with your life. 

2. You sleep a lot … like A LOT

Sleep is important, and many people should actually try to get more sleep.

However, sleeping more than the necessary amount is a curious choice that can signal certain exhaustion and boredom with life. 

After all, if you’d love your life, you would try to live it to its fullest extent instead of sleeping it away. 

Preferring extra sleep over being awake can signify that you might secretly be unhappy with your life. 

3. You dedicate your entire energy and focus on a hobby/work, so you don’t have to think about the rest of your life

It’s easy to reason that your full dedication to a hobby/work is a sign of your passion and purpose. 

However, many people passionately adore their hobby/profession and still enjoy doing other things. 

Just like how you might adore wearing that one pair of sneakers but still decide to wear the other pair you like once in a while. 

That’s why it can be a sign you might be secretly unhappy with your life if you refuse to spend any time or thought on the rest of your life.  

4. You daydream constantly

Constantly dreaming about your dream life, or a fictional story is a strong sign you are unhappy with your life.

Don’t get me wrong; daydreaming can be an extremely fun activity that strengthens your creativity, imagination, concentration, and visualization. 

However, as with everything, you shouldn’t do it in excess.

5. Your days blend into one another, and time seems to pass slowly at the moment but fast in retrospect

We experience the passage of time very subjectively. Sometimes 60 minutes can seem like 3 hours, and other times like 10 minutes. 

If you feel like every day is a boring repeat of the previous day and looking back, you wonder how the year has passed by so quickly; it means you are not experiencing enough noteworthy moments that could have created memories. 

The more memories we make, the better we can assess time. 

If the days blend in a boring dull, we lose the sense of time. 

Your feeling of time or rather lack thereof can therefore be a sign that you might be secretly unhappy with your life.

6. You’re surrounded by unhappy people

There is a certain interplay between you and the people around you. 

First, we are influenced by who we spend the most time with. I’m sure you’ve heard the quote about how we are the average of the five people we spend the most time with. 

On the other hand, we attract the same energy we are living in ourselves. That’s one of the core ideas of the law of attraction. It means that unhappy people attract other unhappy people. 

After all, happy people most likely won’t want to spend time around downers. 

7. You complain, and complain, and complain some more

Some people just ALWAYS complain about absolutely EVERYTHING! 

It becomes apparent that there is more to this complaining than just a one-off when the person point-blank refuses to look on the bright side or logic. 

If you find yourself complaining often and not appreciating how the situation could have been much worse, this might be a sign you are secretly unhappy with your life. 

8. You have nothing to talk about or nobody you’d want to talk to about it

If you have nothing to talk about, it signals a lack of interests and passions in your life. And predictably, an interest-less life is almost bound to be an unhappy one. 

There can also be unhappiness in having passions and interests but nobody you’d want to talk to about them. After all, we are social creatures who want to share our life with others.

9. You don’t care anymore about things that used to matter a lot to you

Caring means something is important to us. If we don’t care about big aspects of our life anymore, it can be a sign that we are unhappy with them but have given up on improving them. 

10. You easily get angry

… at the person walking slowly in front of you, the government for not finding the (in your eyes) ‘perfect’ solution for every problem, that person with the annoying laugh, children playing a bit noisily, the traffic jam, the delay of public transportation, that fanfiction author who doesn’t update their fanfic, or at people who are just radiating happiness. 

If you were happy, you wouldn’t let these things bother you as much. Maybe you’d be annoyed, but in general, you would be much more understanding and empathetic instead of immediately losing yourself in a spiral of rage. 

11. You are pessimistic 

You know how people say you shouldn’t go shopping when you are hungry, because you’ll buy too much? Or how you shouldn’t make any rash decisions while being ecstatic or angry?

That’s because our emotions impact how we think and view the world around us. 

That’s what they mean when they talk about the rose-colored glasses we wear while we are in love. 

If you are unhappy with your life, you will see everything as worse than it actually is. 

Do any of these signs apply to you? Don’t worry; just because one or the other applies doesn’t mean you are secretly unhappy with your life. 

This is only meant to raise some awareness. Don’t use it as a reason to overthink your entire life if you are usually happy with it. 

Until next time, Felicity Seeker!

21 Ways To Live A Beautiful Life | How To Make Your Life More Beautiful

Blog, Personal Development

Life can be gorgeous if you let it be and make an effort. Here are 21 ideas to make your life more beautiful.

Read also: 33 Boss Lady Glow Up Ideas – How To Level-Up

Read also: 15 Signs You Have Leveled Up in Life | Signs of a Glow Up

1. Smile

Smile at strangers, at the beautiful sunrise, for yourself when you hear children giggle because you see someone else’s gorgeous smile. 

Just smile more. 

2. Surround yourself with colors and textures that make you happy

Choose clothes in a color scheme that makes you smile when you open your wardrobe. Choose them in soft and silky textures that feel luxurious and comfy on your skin. 

Choose beddings and pillows in your favorite colors and textures. 

Try to create an environment where everything you look at evokes feelings of joy, comfort, and even luxuriousness. 

3. Have Playlists for every mood

Create an autumn playlist that makes you want to curl up with hot cocoa, a fluffy sweater, and watch the leaves fall.

Create a playlist full of orchestral music, lo-fi and binaural beats for your study sessions.

Have a playlist full of slowed-down stripper songs for when you feel in the mood to dance in lingerie in front of the mirror.

Make your life a movie soundtrack.

4. Shape your lifestyle to your personal preferences

Shower around lunchtime, stay up late and wake up late, burn Christmas candles during summer, don’t travel in your holidays and instead save the money, own two phones for different purposes – just live life on your terms and don’t bother with what the herd does. 

5. Have pets or plants to nurture or love deeply

There is just something magical about having something or someone to take care of. 

So what better way to make your life beautiful than to adopt a pet or a plant and love it to pieces. 

6. Allow yourself to choose aesthetics over functionality once in a while

Listen to vinyl instead of Spotify, buy that unnecessarily expensive luggage and use it as decor in your room in between travels because it looks so pretty, wears fake glasses because they make you feel academic. 

A Kindle is much more practical and, in the long run, also cheaper than physical books. But sometimes, it is worth it to choose aesthetics over logic if it makes your soul sing with joy. 

7. Deeply feel the gratitude for all the blessings in your life

Gratitude is one of the purest emotions you can feel. Furthermore, it’s not only a beautiful emotion to feel in the moment, but it also attracts more things into your life to feel grateful for.

Practice feeling gratitude deeply to make your life more beautiful. 

8. Take action on an even more beautiful future

Life can feel meaningless if all we’re doing is going through the daily motions without change insight. 

Make your life more beautiful by pursuing goals that promise an even better future. This could be studying for a degree, applying for that job, building a business, losing weight, or even just learning how to make pretty gift wrappings.

9. Explore your area instead of always taking the same routes

Look at the area in which you live as if you were a tourist. Have you ever visited the most recommended places? 

And how about taking a slight detour the next time you go for the groceries. Just drive through a neighborhood you’ve never been in. 

10. Improve your financial situation, so you don’t have to worry about money anymore

One of the biggest obstacles to a beautiful life is money worries. Therefore, to make your life more attractive, you should improve your financial situation early on. 

Create multiple income streams, make your money work for you, and accumulate enough savings to overcome any financial hiccup. 

11. Practise (self-)forgiveness daily

Do you ever struggle with unwanted memories that pop up in your mind and remind you of something embarrassing or bad? 

Well, that’s because you are trying to suppress the memory, and the more you resist, the more it persists. 

Instead, you need to relive the memory and forgive yourself for it and ask your past self for forgiveness in return. 

Do this every time an uncomfortable memory pops up, and soon, the memory will be less and less painful and turn up more rarely.

The same goes for any resentment you hold towards others. Let go of the bad feelings and forgive them for achieving your peace of mind. 

12. Consume positive and uplifting media

Good news rarely makes it into any headlines. Instead, we constantly hear about the worst of the worst. It’s not only depressing and anxiety-inducing but also creates an unrealistic view of this world. 

Therefore make sure to consume a good amount of positive and uplifting media. 

For books, I can recommend Factfulness and The Rational Optimist. They are listed on my Reading List for Personal Growth. 

13. Limit the time you spend with pessimists

Some so many people seemingly do nothing but complain – about politicians, employers, the economy, school, their family, strangers, and a million other things.

Spending too much time with those people can pull you down into the hole they’re living in. 

It’s hard to make your life more beautiful when surrounded by people who talk about anything but beautiful things. 

14. Try to see the good in everyone and give them the benefit of the doubt

Many people get offended easily, even though the other person never meant to offend them in the first place. 

They seem to think that people are out to get them when most of the time those people are too busy to think about themselves to spare us much thought.

You shouldn’t be gullible, but you should try to see the good in everyone and give them the benefit of the doubt unless evidence suggests otherwise.

Dare to see the kindness in others. It will make life more beautiful.

15. Maintain a mostly healthy diet

If your diet is healthy, you will feel more energized, and therefore you can enjoy life to a bigger extent. 

If you allow yourself unhealthy food once in a while, that’s perfectly fine and only human. 

16.Keep your body fit

Life offers so many things. To take advantage of them as much a possible, you should be physically fit. 

After all, the length of your life doesn’t matter as much as the quality of it. 

17. Spend your energy on things you have control over and accept what you can’t control

Stop obsessing over the bad weather or economy. Focus on what you can do to make this unchangeable situation better for yourself. 

You will only feel frustrated and bitter if you spend all your energy thinking about something you are helpless to change. 

18. Have your own standards for success

You can make life more beautiful by not relying on outside approval to feel accomplished and proud. 

You can’t control how others will react to your achievements. Therefore it’s a recipe for unhappiness to rely your feeling of success on their opinion. 

Instead, set your own standards for success. It’s ok, to feel proud of a B if you usually get C’s. It’s also ok, to be unhappy with an A- if you were aiming for an A. 

19. Try to discover new things regularly

Life gets dull without a certain amount of variety in it. Furthermore, it’s rather sad to only experience the same things over and over again when there are a plethora of choices you can experience. 

Make an effort to do things you haven’t done before. Go and buy sample sets of food, beverages, makeup, self-care products, and more to get a glimpse into other options. 

You can make your life more beautiful by bringing variety into it. 

20. Learn what hairstyle, makeup, clothes make you shine

There is just something beautiful in having a signature scent and look that people and, more importantly, you associate with you. 

It’s even more beautiful if this signature look brings out the best in you. If it makes you shine just a little bit more. 

Find the hairstyle, makeup, clothes, perfume, and more that make you shine brighter and indulge in them often. 

21. Keep a list of coincidences and miracles that have happened to you to remind yourself that life is working FOR you

Our perception of life greatly depends on what we focus on. Focusing on misery, bad luck, and problems will perceive life as anything but beautiful. 

Therefore, one easy but effective way to make life more beautiful is to direct your awareness to the more beautiful things in life. 

To do this, you can keep a list of coincidences and miracles that you’ve experienced. This will remind you that life is working FOR you and NOT against you.

Which of these ideas do you plan to incorporate into your life from now on? 

Do you have any additional ideas for your fellow Felicity Seekers?

Until next time!

Ego is the Enemy Book Review | 11 Lessons + Quotes

Blog, Books, Personal Development

I’ve just finished Ego is the Enemy by Ryan Holiday. Here is my book review with the lessons I’ve learned, plus inspirational quotes.

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Read also: The Unfair Advantage Book Review | 11 Lessons + Quotes

Book Review

“Ego Is The Enemy” is a very ‘tough love’ and ‘no-bs’ book. It highlights the many different ways ego can be our downfall and how to rise above our ego through interesting real-life examples you’ve probably not heard of before. The book is relatively short, with short chapter sizes that are comfortable to read. 

Lessons

1. You’re not more important than others; you’re not entitled to succeed; you’re not above certain types of work

“The ego we see most commonly goes by a more casual definition: an unhealthy belief in our own importance. Arrogance. Self-centered ambition.”

– Ryan Holiday (Ego is the Enemy)

“What is rare is not raw talent, skill, or even confidence, but humility, diligence, and self-awareness.”

– Ryan Holiday (Ego is the Enemy)

“Greatness comes from humble beginnings; it comes from grunt work. It means you’re the least important person in the room—until you change that with results.”

– Ryan Holiday (Ego is the Enemy)

Feeling above others or certain types of work is the fastest way to sabotage any attempts at succeeding in life. 

Especially in the beginning stages of your journey, you often have to do dirty work to get off the ground. Maybe this comes in the form of being the coffee boy at your law firm or writing hundreds of emails asking for a chance to guest post on a popular blog. 

It doesn’t matter how superior you feel. As long as you don’t have anything convincing to show for it, your entitlement will impress exactly no one. 

Only your hard work will. 

2. Stop talking about your actions and plans; spend your energy on doing

“In fact, many valuable endeavors we undertake are painfully difficult, whether it’s coding a new startup or mastering a craft. But talking, talking is always easy.”

– Ryan Holiday (Ego is the Enemy)

“Talk depletes us. Talking and doing fight for the same resources. Research shows that while goal visualization is important, after a certain point our mind begins to confuse it with actual progress. The same goes for verbalization.”

– Ryan Holiday (Ego is the Enemy)

“Success requires a full 100 percent of our effort, and talk flitters part of that effort away before we can use it.”

– Ryan Holiday (Ego is the Enemy)

Planning and dreaming are fun. It makes us feel all excited and organized. 

However, it gets us exactly nowhere. 

Sure, we need some vague basic plan on how to proceed and where to go. But this needs to be far less elaborate than we try to tell ourselves. 

All you need is a goal and a starting point. From there on, the only thing to get you towards success is action. 

Stop telling people about your goals and a grand vision. Get yourself, one accountability buddy, if necessary, but beyond that, stay silent and get sh#t done! 

Everything else is a waste of energy.

3. Decide what’s more important to you: To BE something or to DO something

“Appearances are deceiving. Having authority is not the same as being an authority. Having the right and being right are not the same either. Being promoted doesn’t necessarily mean you’re doing good work and it doesn’t mean you are worthy of promotion (they call it failing upward in such bureaucracies). Impressing people is utterly different from being truly impressive.”

– Ryan Holiday (Ego is the Enemy)

Being a student is easy. Studying not so much. That’s why there are many long-running students without a degree to show for their studies.

Having a blog is not the same thing as blogging. Many people have a blog they’ve abandoned after half a year of not getting anywhere. Far fewer people are blogging consistently every week for years until they succeed. 

Focus more on DOING than on BEING. The latter will deceive you into thinking you are succeeding, only to have this pretty picture crumbling around you in the long term.

4. Studious self-assessment is key

“The pretense of knowledge is our most dangerous vice, because it prevents us from getting any better. Studious self-assessment is the antidote.”

– Ryan Holiday (Ego is the Enemy)

“A true student is like a sponge. Absorbing what goes on around him, filtering it, latching on to what he can hold. A student is self-critical and self-motivated, always trying to improve his understanding so that he can move on to the next topic, the next challenge. A real student is also his own teacher and his own critic. There is no room for ego there.”

– Ryan Holiday (Ego is the Enemy)

How does one become a master? He starts as a student and works his way up the ladder.

What does it mean to be a student? Being a student means learning from people more experienced than you through books, mentors, courses, school, etc. 

Learning doesn’t mean knowing, so we test ourselves regularly. And if we don’t do well, we do some self-assessment to analyze the problem and try to see how we can improve. 

This cycle goes on and on until, at some point, our ego sneaks in and convinces us that we have learned all there is and that we are the master now. 

Perhaps that might even be true for a short while, but certainly not in the long term. 

If we don’t keep up with being students, we will fall behind our competitors and the ever-changing world. 

5. Passion can be the problem, not the solution

“Passion typically masks a weakness. Its breathlessness and impetuousness and franticness are poor substitutes for discipline, for mastery, for strength and purpose and perseverance. “

– Ryan Holiday (Ego is the Enemy)

“What humans require in our ascent is purpose and realism. Purpose, you could say, is like passion with boundaries. Realism is detachment and perspective.”

– Ryan Holiday (Ego is the Enemy)

We all know that work doesn’t feel like work if we are passionate about it. With passion, we are capable of giving 120% instead of our usual best. 

Sadly, many people take this as an excuse for why they can’t succeed. If they would finally find their passion, they argue, everything would be different. 

However, they don’t realize that passion can be a problem just as much as the solution. 

Passion alone rarely suffices to get you to succeed. As soon as passion wanes, you are going to need discipline and perseverance to keep going. 

So never rely solely on passion on your journey to success. Don’t use a lack of passion as an excuse for giving up or not even trying.

6. Helping others helps yourself in the long-run

“Make other people look good and you will do well.”

– Ryan Holiday (Ego is the Enemy)

“Clear the path for the people above you and you will eventually create a path for yourself.”

– Ryan Holiday (Ego is the Enemy)

It sucks if someone takes credit for your hard work. It sucks if your effort is helping someone else, yet you are seemingly stuck where you’ve started. 

But throwing in the towel or demanding recognition is not the solution. 

Sometimes you just have to give, give, give and be patient before you start receiving. 

7. Don’t let your daydreams saturate your craving for a better life

“Living clearly and presently takes courage. Don’t live in the haze of the abstract, live with the tangible and real, even if—especially if—it’s uncomfortable. Be part of what’s going on around you. Feast on it, adjust for it.”

– Ryan Holiday (Ego is the Enemy)

“The distinction between a professional and a dilettante occurs right there—when you accept that having an idea is not enough; that you must work until you are able to recreate your experience effectively in words on the page.”

– Ryan Holiday (Ego is the Enemy)

We need to visualize our goals before we can reach them. In fact, studies have proven that imagining themselves training can substitute in part for real physical training for athletes. 

The visualization activates the same brain areas that would be activated if you were doing the actual activity. 

As great as this is, it can backlash. If we imagine our success too often, it will saturate our craving for success because it feels like we’ve already accomplished it.

And without that craving, why would we step outside of our comfort zone?

8. You don’t always have to defend your honor

“We have to stand up for ourselves, right? But do we? So often, this is just ego, escalating tension more than dealing with it.”

– Ryan Holiday (Ego is the Enemy)

Sometimes you have to suck up some amount of mistreatment on your way to the top. Ego is the Enemy highlights a heartbreaking but very illustrative example of a black athlete who had to keep his head down in the face of harsh and very public racism to rise to the top. 

You might also encounter opponents like sexists or racists that try to take a hit at you every chance they get. They try to provoke you into acting out so that you lose everything you’ve worked so hard for. 

Only by remaining calm and keeping your ego in check can you rise into a place of power, in which you can defend your honor without risking your future. 

Mind you, if there are ways for you to speak out against your tormentors without it damaging your climb to success, go for it! Just make sure to not do it blindly because your ego demands revenge. 

9. Don’t wallow in self-pity; make use of the bad luck to the best of your abilities

“Make use of what’s around you. Don’t let stubbornness make a bad situation worse.”

– Ryan Holiday (Ego is the Enemy)

There is always something good that can be wrung out of the worst luck in some shape or form.

It’s immensely hard to see it that way, and most people let their ego lead them to comforting self-pity.

If you manage to withstand this urge, you will come out the other side much quicker and in better shape than most people.

10. Set your own standards of success, and you won’t care about outside approval or criticism

“It’s far better when doing good work is sufficient. In other words, the less attached we are to outcomes the better. When fulfilling our own standards is what fills us with pride and self-respect. When the effort—not the results, good or bad—is enough.”

– Ryan Holiday (Ego is the Enemy)

“Your potential, the absolute best you’re capable of—that’s the metric to measure yourself against. Your standards are. Winning is not enough. People can get lucky and win. People can be assholes and win. Anyone can win. But not everyone is the best possible version of themselves.”

– Ryan Holiday (Ego is the Enemy)

Nobody knows you as well as you do. You know your skills, your history, and your goals. 

The metric others set for success won’t always feel like a good fit for you. 

Most people might see a B in school, not as something worth many celebrations. However, if you’ve always struggled and never managed to get anything above a C, this is a huge success!

On the other hand, it’s also ok to be unhappy with an outstanding grade if you know you could have done even better. 

Don’t let other people’s standards hold you back from pushing yourself to the next level.

11. Don’t aspire to mere success; aspire to thrive despite anything life throws at you

“This is what we’re aspiring to—much more than mere success. What matters is that we can respond to what life throws at us. And how we make it through.”

– Ryan Holiday (Ego is the Enemy)

There are a million ways to succeed in life. The thing about success is, however, that there is always a bit of luck involved. 

You know luck in the sense of having been in the right place at the right time to take advantage of opportunities, information, or other resources. 

The flipside of that is that bad luck can hit us just as much and destroy or at least diminish our success.

So while striving for success is a good goal, it would be much better to seek the strength and resourcefulness that enables you to thrive in any situation. 

If you manage that, you will be wildly successful during lucky times and do well enough during unfortunate times. 

Have you read Ego is the Enemy already? If so, what lesson or story stood out the most to you? 

Also, I’m curious, what are you currently reading? 

Share your thoughts with us!

Until next time, lovely Felicity Seeker!

21 Bad Habits You Need To Overcome In Your 20s

Blog, Personal Development

Your twenties can lay the foundation for the rest of your life. To help you make it the best foundation possible, I’ve collected 21 bad habits to overcome in your 20s.

Here are a few that you should be aware of:

1. Putting things off because ‘you’ve got all the time in the world.’

You wouldn’t believe how much time in your life you are wasting by postponing tasks to a later time.

Often enough, ‘later’ doesn’t come, and we forget about it. Or we need even more discipline to overcome our lack of motivation.

Doing things as soon as possible makes you more efficient and brings peace of mind.

2. Participating in and consuming gossip

Nobody is entirely immune to the lure of gossip. After all, we are social beings, so wanting to know what others are up to makes sense. 

However, gossip becomes a problem when it distracts you from your own life. 

You should generally show more fascination for your own day-to-day life than other people’s, or else you will get nowhere.

3. Spending your life at your desk

Yes, grades are important. Yes, they can guarantee you a good job and a great future, so you should do your best to do well in school/college.

However, good grades or even building a business are not worth it spending your 20s locked away behind your desk. 

You need to find a balance, or you will have regrets when you look back on your life. 

4. Comparing your life to others in a discouraging way

Comparing your life to other people can be the wake-up call that shows you how much more is possible in life. It can give you new goals and the necessary motivation to achieve them. 

However, comparing yourself to others often leads to frustration, jealousy, resentment, and procrastination.

If you find yourself in the comparisonitis trap too often, it is important to take ten steps back from content that makes you feel that way.

The more time you spend like that, the more you’ll sabotage yourself. This is one of the bad habits you need to overcome in your 20s.

5. Daydreaming about your dream life more than working towards it

As a big daydreamer myself, I understand the allure of visualizing and imagining a life you will sadly never live. 

As the law of attraction teaches, visualizing can be a powerful step in the quest to accomplish your goals. 

But it’s definitely a bad habit you need to overcome if you visualize far more than you take action. This will only lead to sadness and frustration when you open your eyes and realize you’re still where you started. 

6. Letting regrets fester

Regrets are like a black cloud that follows you wherever you go. If you try to suppress them, they pop up back into your mind when you don’t expect them to. 

Even worse, regrets can take a toll on your self-worth. And self-worth is one of the most important factors in creating your dream life. 

If you don’t feel worthy of what you desire, you will stand in your own way to prevent it from manifesting into your reality.

So don’t suppress your regrets; instead, intentionally feel them and forgive yourself. 

7. Being surrounded by people all the time

This one of the bad habits you need to overcome in your 20s doesn’t seem all too problematic at first.

After all, what’s bad about having a flourishing social life?

Especially extroverts need people around them to charge up their energy and be genuinely happy.

However, alone time is important for both introverts and extroverts as it is a time for personal growth and self-awareness.

Don’t fill your days with social interactions to drown out your thoughts and feelings.

Reflection time is incredibly important.

8. Lying and bending the truth to people-please

Lying can become a habit quicker than we realize. Not only is lying generally frowned upon, but it can also create unnecessary troubles for us.

Stop trying to find excuses and instead be honest about why you don’t want to do something. 

It takes much less energy to just be honest than to have to think up lies. 

Also, making your opinions clear early on will help you deepen your relationship with people who are right for you and get rid of those that will only cause headaches in the long term. 

9. Smoking

This really doesn’t need explaining. 

10. Getting wasted regularly

Again, this goes without saying. 

11. Eating unhealthy quick food all the time

Yes, it’s easy. Yes, it saves time. But it also prevents you from being at your best. 

A fresh, healthy, and balanced nutrition improves your health and general well-being; it also helps you learn and work more effectively. 

If you make healthy food a habit, you will consider fast food less and less. 

12. Ignoring health issues

Health issues don’t just disappear into thin air if you ignore them! 

Make sure to treat acne, insomnia, hair loss, rapid weight gain, and any other health issue as soon as possible.

It might not be much of an issue right now, but the longer it exists, the more serious health issues could await you in a few decades. 

This should most definitely be one of the bad habits to overcome in your 20s.

13. Losing stuff due to lack of organization

Being disorganized wastes your time and makes you look bad in the eyes of others. 

Start to designate one specific spot for your keys, wallet, sunglasses, etc. 

Also, create one folder with dividers for every important document like insurance, log-in details, passwords, etc. (if digital, make sure to have backups).

14. Forgetting names and birthdays

One of these easiest ways to leave a good impression on people is remembering their name and birthday. It shows that you care and that they are reasonably important to you. 

Practice remembering these details. Different memory techniques can help you. Just do some research.

15. Buying presents too late

Christmas and birthdays are on the same date every year. Keep a list of gift ideas and use sales to buy gifts in advance. 

Never again will you gift a subpar present because you ran out of ideas and time.

16. Working with a ‘dull ax’ due to impatience

If you are motivated to start working on something, it takes a lot of patience and self-restraint to hold yourself back and sharpen your ax. But with a dull ax, you will only waste your time and energy.

So, before jumping into studying headfirst, create a rough study plan, and do some keyword research before creating your blog content.

17. Loudly or silently judging others without putting yourself into their shoes

If we let judgemental thoughts run freely through our heads, they will quickly become the knee-jerk reaction we have to anything we consider weird or unusual. 

Try to remind yourself to have kinder thoughts and reactions to other people’s actions and words.

Think of reasons why they could have acted the way they did. Whether these reasons are true, coming up with them will strengthen your empathy.

18. Letting sales seduce you into purchases you wouldn’t have made otherwise

You don’t save money if you spend it on something you wouldn’t have bought without the sale. 

Instead, you should use sales primarily to purchase things you’ve already been eyeing. 

Read also: 11 Things You Should Not Spend Money On

19. Not sticking to a sleeping rhythm every day of the week

Most people talk about the importance of getting 7-9h of sleep every night.

Yet few talk about how waking up in the morning is so much easier if you wake up at the same time every day of the week.

After all, your body doesn’t know the difference between workdays and the weekend. Instead, your inner clock will get confused if you wake up at 6 AM on some days and then at 9 AM on others.

Read also: 7 Hacks That Help Me To Wake Up At 5 AM

20. Chasing every new trend

The energy, time, and money it takes to chase every new trend are outrageous!!!

Sure, it makes you feel cool for a short while, but this reward rarely all the effort.

21. Chasing one relationship milestone after the other instead of enjoying what you have right now

There is nothing wrong with celebrating your relationship milestones but don’t make your whole relationship about them.

What really matters is that you and your partner are together and in love. A ring or house will not change what’s at the core of your relationship.

Well, how many of these bad habits are you guilty of? What bad habits to overcome in your 20s would you add to the list?

We’d love to hear from you!

Until next time, Felicity Seeker!

11 bad habits to overcome in your 20s

31 Things That Are More Important Than Your Grades

Blog, Personal Development

School and college cause a lot of stress and anxiety. It’s time you remember that many things are more important than your grades. 

1. What you’ve learned

Your grades don’t necessarily represent how much you’ve learned about the subject. Sometimes you didn’t express yourself in a way the corrector wanted, or you were quizzed about the one topic you were struggling with.

Either way, what matters far more than your actual grade is the knowledge you accumulated.

2. How much you read

Leaders are readers. How much your read is an indicator of how much you learn outside of the educational system.

Reading can boost your knowledge (especially if you read non-fiction), increase your vocabulary, make you more eloquent, train your brain, and increase your focus.

Many successful people swear by reading. It’s time you give it a shot yourself if you want to step into their footsteps.

Read also: Reading List For Personal Growth

3. Your connections

Having the right connections can make your life infinitely easier. Who do you think is more likely to get the job: The applicant with the best grades or the applicant with good grades whose friend recommends him to the boss?

Connections can also help you to be the first to know about a company that’s hiring. 

4. Your creativity  

The ability to create new things and ideas from scratch is one of humanity’s biggest assets.

Robots and AI will increasingly take over the monotonous and repetitive tasks of our work lives. In turn, employers will care much more about things like creativity.

Luckily for you, people are not born creative. Instead, they form that skill through practice and use. Stop saying, ‘I am not a creative person‘ and instead say, ‘I am not creating much, yet.‘ 

5. Your experience

Practical experience is not only the best teacher; it will also get you further in life than just grades. 

After all, who would you rather hire: The A-student fresh out of college or the former B-student who’s already worked successfully for two years and got a stellar recommendation? 

Big employers like Apple and Facebook don’t even demand a college degree anymore. Perhaps that’s not surprising, considering they were founded by dropouts who accomplished more with practical experience than with college degrees.

6. How you make others feel

People may forget what you said, but they rarely forget how you made them feel. 

If you master the art of making others feel good, you will stand out among less charismatic A-graders.

7. The fact you are writing exams at all

Education has become such a given for big parts of the world that we all seem to forget how privileged we are. Instead we complain about our annoying school work. 

Most teenagers didn’t pursue higher education many generations ago because there was no time or no money.

Not all too long ago, women weren’t even allowed to pursue higher education. 

In some countries, children don’t even have the opportunity to go to elementary school. 

The sole fact that you are writing tests and exams is so much more important than the grade you get. 

8. Your unique combination of skills and knowledge

There are hundreds of thousands of people who’ve had your education. You will most likely never stand out as the best (or the worst) among these people.

However, you are far more likely to stand out with the unique combination of skills and knowledge you accumulate. 

For example, there are a ton of law graduates. There are far fewer law graduates who also have a politics degree. And among those even less, who did an internship in an embassy and perhaps already belong to a political party. 

These things are more important than your grades. 

9. Your physical health

Our body is next to our mind, the second most important factor to living a fulfilled and long life. 

Some students medicate themself or pull all-nighters to achieve better grades which in turn takes a toll on their physical health.

Don’t become one of them! Don’t neglect what’s so much more important than your grades: your health!

10. Where you live/search for a job

Depending on where you live and search for a job, you will have better opportunities for someone with your grades than elsewhere. 

If there is a lack of teachers in your area, you are going to be able to get a great position with decent grades that would only have been open for the best graduates under normal circumstances. 

11. Your work ethic

In a world where only a minuscule 15% of employees are engaged in their work, it is no wonder work ethic is immensely low. 

People pretend to be sick, pretend to have a mental breakdown (some of course actually do, but too many pretend), steal from work, do online shopping at work, push their workload onto colleagues, etc. 

Suppose you are one of the few with a great work ethic, who is willing to get the job done, even if it means staying at work longer once in a while, gladly taking on the difficult work everyone avoids, and who actually answers the phone. In that case, you will stand out like a bright shining beacon of excellence. 

The best students are often enough not the best employees, and the latter is far more important than your grades in the long run. 

12. Your social Intelligence

You need to get along with people and know how to make connections and status work for you. 

Knowing how to make connections, earn favors, and have a good reputation is much more important than your grades in the long run. 

13. Your emotional Intelligence

The same goes for emotional intelligence. You need to be able to handle envy, frustration, and ego in constructive ways.

14. How you study

Cramming the night before the exam and acing it only to forget everything the minute you handed in the test will get you through in the short-term but won’t help you out in the long-term. School/College is meant to teach you things that’ll help you later on in life. And although their curriculum is debatable, you need to remember the information you’ve studied in the long term, or else it has been a waste.

15. How fast you can read

Most people’s reading speed is embarrassingly slow. Our brain can read incredibly fast, yet few of us take the time to practice how to do so. In our informational age, there rarely is a career or even a day in your life in which you won’t have to read anything. Imagine how much more effective you could be if you could double or even triple your reading speed without suffering a loss of comprehension. Would you suddenly feel motivated to read news articles? How much less would you need to study if you could speed through your textbooks? How much more work could you get done if you didn’t waste so much time in your inbox? Speed reading is truly a superpower we desperately need to develop!

Read also: How I Read One Book A Week – 11 Tips To Read More

16. Your happiness

You shouldn’t be miserable achieving good grades. As morbid as it sounds, you will never know how long your life will be, so don’t waste a decade on achieving stellar grades if it makes you miserable and robs you of a life outside of college. Often enough, good grades are perfectly fine. 

17. What you study 

Bad grades can be an important guiding sign that you chose the wrong college degree or desperately need to change your study strategy. Most likely, there have been plenty of warnings already, but you ignored them. So now the Universe had to take out the big and painful guns, a.k.a bad grades. Analyze the reasons behind the disappointing grade and do something about it!

18. The habits you build

The life you live is shaped by the habits you practice on a daily or weekly basis. 

If you let your life be ruled by toxic habits, your good grades will hardly matter for the kind of life you are living. 

Good habits will go a long way, and you should cultivate them early on.

19. The habits you break

We often focus too much on starting good habits, when in fact, we should first get rid of bad ones. 

In fact, you don’t even need to get rid of them but simply replace them with better habits.

20. How you feel your emotions

Suppressing bad emotions is not healthy. In the long term, it can lead to anxiety, depression, mood swings, and more. 

It takes an emotionally mature person to feel every good or bad emotion without resisting it. 

21. How you express your emotions

Nobody likes people who lash out at others just because they are in a bad mood. 

You not only should feel your emotions but also express them in a socially acceptable way. 

22. The pet that’s lighting up your heart every time you see it being all adorable

In life, the importance of grades really can’t be compared to the importance of living beings and the happiness they provide you with. 

23. How much time do you spend doing what lights up your soul

You can’t postpone happiness. You can feel it now, or you’ll miss it. 

You will be going to school for one, perhaps even two decades. That’s far too long to postpone your happiness for. 

Looking back on your life, you will see the time you spend doing what lights up your soul as more important than your grades. 

24. The mentors in your life

A good mentor can be an invaluable asset. They can put you years ahead in your growth and sometimes even provide valuable connections for you. 

25. Your financial intelligence

Getting good grades to get a well-paying job is useless if you don’t know how to intelligently handle that money. 

There are tons of people with a decent income that still have financial struggles. On the flip side, there have been people with a very small income who managed to grow it to an astounding amount of wealth over the decades. 

26. Your mental health 

Many students sacrifice their mental health in pursuit of good grades. It is not worth it! 

After all, you want those good grades so you can get a good job and lead a happy life. 

But with your mental health out of wack, you won’t be able to perform to your full capabilities at your job, and you most certainly won’t live the happy life you’ve hoped for. 

Your mental health is more important than your grades!

27. Responsibility

I’m assuming you care about your grades so much because you want to get a high-level job. Well, those jobs always come with a ton of responsibility. 

You won’t do well in your job or life if you keep blaming others for your mistakes and misfortunes. 

Own up to them, or your good grades will hardly matter!

28. How you carry yourself

Nobody likes it, but first impressions do matter. A big part of the first impression you give others is the way you carry yourself. 

Do you seem at ease and command the attention of the room or do you seemingly shrink into yourself and nervously fidget? 

29. Persistence

Life’s path is rarely straightforward. Not everything will work out the way you had planned, and you will encounter much resistance.

Persistence is a trait that is more important than outstanding grades if you want to make it big in life.

30. Self-Awareness & Self-Reflection

Just because you’ve gotten decent grades doesn’t mean you won’t have to learn and improve your skills anymore. You’ll constantly have to learn and adapt if you want your career to go places. 

And unless you get yourself a mentor or coach, you will only be able to improve if you are self-aware enough to recognize your own flaws and shortcomings. 

Self-reflection is a tool to increase your self-awareness. You can do it through journaling, meditating, talking to yourself, or other methods. 

31. Collaboration Skills 

There are few jobs nowadays in which you won’t have to work together with people in one way or another. 

Good grades matter very little if you are a nightmare to work with. You can never be the expert on every topic necessary for the job, so you’ll have to collaborate. 

Do you have any other suggestions for things that are more important than your grades? 

What’s your experience been like with grades? Are you content with your results, or do you feel your work isn’t reflected in your grades?

Until next time, Felicity Seekers!