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I’m one year older and one year wiser. It’s time I share with you the 22 lessons I’ve learned in 22 years. Don’t wait as long as I have to learn these lessons!
Even though I have learned this lesson so often already, I am still working on actually living by it.
I’ve gotten better already, but I still make mistakes.
You wouldn’t believe how many times I had this inkling or gut feeling that something was off, but I ignored it only for sh#t to hit the fan mere moments later.
It has happened SO.FREAKING.OFTEN!!!!!!!!!!
And each time, it is just as painful because I stupidly ignored the warning signs.
On a very interesting note – and this is something that I am still a bit wary about but gradually exploring – my intuition seems to have access to some deeper knowledge than my mind.
I know this sounds a bit crazy and very woo woo but hear me out.
I used to play a quiz game on my phone with friends.
And rather often, you get questions you have absolutely no clue about.
When I came across those questions, I noticed that if I pondered on an answer I answered falsely almost every time.
On the other hand, if I answered immediately after barely reading the four choices, I answered correctly.
I’ve noticed that in the first split second of making a decision, my intuition throws in an answer which is the correct one.
But it is incredibly difficult to make out this intuitive answer in time before my mind starts working and overshadows it with its ‘logical’ ramblings.
For me, this proves even more that I need to learn how to tap more into my intuition. Because my mind might let me down, but my instinct won’t.
This might be the most life-altering realization on this list.
I’ve always known that I wanted to earn a lot because I’ve always felt drawn to luxuries like expensive architecture and cars.
I always expected to end up in a corporate job that pays well. I didn’t even consider that I could get money another way. In fact, for years, I was firmly against the idea of me building my own business.
Then I started uni, studying Law, and it was interesting. I could see myself having a career in that direction, although I could never excite myself for a specific job.
Then I got into personal development and, with it, entrepreneurship. Quickly I started working on building a business to have a passive income.
But it took another half a year for me to actually be sure that I didn’t want a 9-to-5.
From then on, I could only see myself working for myself at my own time schedule, from wherever I want to, with earnings that have the potential to go up into infinity and beyond.
This became especially apparent by me already living that lifestyle – kind of.
I barely went to lectures and worked mostly from home. My laptop was almost always running from 5 am to 10 pm, with me working on it most of the time.
I was basically already living the laptop lifestyle minus the financial freedom and with the baggage of time-intensive studies.
In addition to that, I kept hearing about and saw for myself employees with a lousy work ethic that spending half their workday browsing online, gossiping and ignoring incoming calls.
Suddenly, I was sure about the kind of life I want to create for myself and it didn’t include a 9-to-5.
For a long time, I guilt-tripped myself for not going to parties like many people my age.
Especially in my first semester at uni, there was that constant inner conflict of ‘I should go out and socialize‘ and ‘I just want to stay at home and be cozy.’
After getting into personal development and getting to know me better, I redid the 16Personalities test.
The first two times, I turned out to be an ENFJ (a Protagonist). I was happy with the result, as I was able to relate to a lot of things.
However, as I did the test again after two years or so, I ended up (twice) as an INFJ (an Advocate).
Now, if you look closely, you might be able to see the difference immediately. It took a while for me to figure out what had changed at first, but it made sense once I did.
The only difference between an ENFJ and an INFJ is the first letter – the extroversion/introversion trait.
Simultaneously, as I turned out to be an introvert, I had also felt like I had answered the test more honestly than before. Often we answer questions that trigger us more, like who we wish we were compared to who we actually are.
So after that test result, I got more curious about what it means to be an introvert because none of my family and friends would describe me as one, and as I’ve always easily made friends and get along well with people in general, I wouldn’t have either.
I discovered the Introvert Dear blog, which has tons of unique introvert content (check it out!).
I quickly learned that I seem to be an extroverted introvert (or as some call it: an ambivert), meaning that I am an introvert at heart, but depending on the situation, I am can be extroverted.
I could talk for ages about this. If you want one of those “Ha! I thought that was just me! I can so relate to that.” moments, I highly recommend you Introvert Dear.
The point here is: Once I’ve actually discovered and accepted my tendency for introversion, a weight was lifted off my shoulders.
I stopped feeling guilty so much about not wanting to go out to parties, about not liking or using social media so much, and about keeping a small circle of friends.
There is no need for me to force myself into being more extroverted as long as I don’t hinder my growth.
Now, I embrace my introversion while still pushing myself out of my comfort zone when an opportunity for growth arrives.
I often kept holding myself back from starting something new in life because I keep thinking that I need to do it in a big way straight from the beginning.
But the truth is – as Jim Kwik reminds so often in his podcast – that little by little, a little becomes a lot.
For me, this means:
There are honestly so many instances in my life where I have discovered the power of doing small steps.
These small steps may seem so insignificant at first. But if you keep doing them diligently every day after two weeks or a month, you will already feel so much further ahead than before.
Every journey consists of many small steps. So you might as well take the first one today instead of waiting for the motivation or ideal time to take 100 steps at once.
No matter how small, each step will teach you something that puts you ahead of those people who are waiting.
So take that step today!
I’m the kind of person who wants to share absolutely EVERYTHING with my loved ones.
Like I’m talking about ever uninteresting detail of the day and thought that crossed my mind.
So as I’ve started my journey to pursue financial freedom, it was immensely challenging at first to not tell anyone about my passion project that occupied almost every waking minute of my mind.
Ultimately, I’ve managed to do so. I did drop some hints here and there, but thankfully, nobody ever picked up on them.
The longer I’ve been trying to build my business, the more grateful I’ve become that nobody knows about it.
It makes things so much easier.
I don’t have to deal with other people’s doubts, advice, or expectations. I don’t have to explain to them whenever I decide that another investment has to be made.
I can work quietly in the background and then stun the disbelievers with my results.
And by the time that I am ready to do that, I will be confident enough to brush negative comments off much easier.
I still love talking about what matters to me and how I spend my day. But I’ve learned to consider what I should share with others and what I should be holding back for now.
In the end, it’s my life, and I get to decide how to live it.
Another important lesson that I’ve learned so far is that passion changes the game.
If you are passionate about reaching a goal or doing an activity, you become superhero-like.
You have seemingly unlimited energy, your confidence soars, and you are as resilient as a cockroach.
There are multiple areas in life where I have noticed this behavior from myself:
I’ve been working for over a year now on clearing my hormonal acne the natural way. And let me tell you, I am relentless!
I’ve tried so many different things already, done a tone of research, and I always have a new strategy at hand should the current one not deliver.
I will master it; there is no doubt in my mind!
The same goes for my curly hair journey.
I am ambitious to turn my curls into gorgeous silky hair that vibrates health.
I’ve been doing lots of research and tried many different things over the last four years, and there is no stop in sight.
I actually have fun trying out all these different things and figuring out what works for my unique hair.
Personal development has quickly become another passion of mine. Not a day goes by without me consuming at least some kind of content to grow into a better version of me.
I am more than willing and even excited to spend money and time on this topic despite most people shaking their heads at the endeavor.
And lastly, in my business, I am showing real resilience!
Despite having already invested more than I ever thought, money and time-wise, I would not give up on achieving financial freedom.
Hell, the word giving up has never even for the tiniest fracture of a second crossed my mind.
This endeavor is worth spending an eternity on!
Passion is a game-changer. It makes life so much easier.
You don’t have to do things the masculine way. Success doesn’t need to be attained solely by hard work, sweat, and more hard work.
Sure some of that is necessary, but it doesn’t have to be just hard work. Us women can achieve the most stunning results by working in alignment with our feminine energy and taking messy inspired action.
I’ve learned that I can have more success and enjoyment when I step back and focus more on my energy than pure action-taking.
This is such an important lesson that we all should be reminded of more often!
Just because millions of women suffer from PMS doesn’t mean it’s normal.
Just because most people hate Mondays doesn’t mean that’s normal.
Just because most people can’t wait for retirement doesn’t mean that mentality is normal.
Just because something is common doesn’t mean you have to experience it as well. It shouldn’t keep you from trying to improve a situation and live a more optimal life.
Ignore what the majority is doing. Work on curing your PMS and create the job of your dreams that makes Mondays enjoyable and from which you never want to retire.
Make life what you want it to be and not what is common!
For most of my life, I didn’t question the education system much.
I’ve always been the kid that loved school. I wasn’t an A student, but I loved learning and studying and just having something to work towards.
After I finished school and started uni, I discovered personal development, and suddenly my outlook changed.
It became very quickly apparent to me that the education system is massively lacking. It neglects to teach children so many important skills to prepare them for the future.
Instead, it teaches them what has worked in the past, hopeful that they can build a good life upon that foundation.
Personal development and entrepreneurship have taught me that there is so much more to this life than I had ever thought while in school.
And I quickly realized that I would be foolish to rely on a rigid education system to prepare me for a fast-changing world.
So now I take my education into my own hands.
I still pursue my law degree, but at the same time, I read books, listen to podcasts and purchase courses that will change my life for the better.
I’ve decided to take over the reins in my life and educate myself.
There is no up-leveling within your comfort zone. If you want to reach the next level, you have to be willing to push yourself.
Therefore whenever you are scared of something, you should be excited because it’s one of the surest signs that doing it will help you up-level.
Your net worth is a reflection of your self-worth.
And it’s not enough to say that you are worthy just because you are human. That might be true, but that also means you deserve just as much as everyone else.
If you want an extraordinary net worth, you have to feel extraordinarily worthy.
If you don’t feel like you deserve a 6-figure income and a luxurious lifestyle, you will not behave like someone of high value, and as a result, people won’t treat you like it either.
You won’t apply for that job or offer your services for a high price because you don’t feel worthy.
Low self-worth is not going to attract a high net worth.
Therefore, I’ve made it part of my morning routine to name one thing each day that makes me worthy.
It doesn’t matter how mundane it is. The important thing is for you to always be aware of your worth.
Positive and negative emotions can have a bad effect on your finances.
If you are fearful, nervous, embarrassed, or greedy, you will cling to your money as tightly as possible. This will prevent you from investing your money wisely, and therefore, you will struggle to ever get out of the rat race.
If you are overly excited by your current income, you will spend more money than you should, and you will quickly end back where you began without being much closer to leaving the rat race.
This is, of course, all very simplified, but you can see this principle in work in the stock market, where their emotional actions rob many investors of their money.
Ideally, you should aim to have neutral emotions like love and gratitude towards money.
We all have our insecurities and limiting beliefs. Often enough, overcoming these obstacles takes time and effort.
What if I were to tell you that you don’t need to overcome them first to step into a better version of yourself?
What if you could just flip a switch and forget all about your insecurities?
I’ve learned how to do this through the book The Alter Ego Effect. I’m not going into detail here on all the lessons I’ve learned from this book since I’ve written a Book Review with Quotes on it.
But the short version is this: You have to create an Alter Ego that you are emotionally attached to, for each field of play where you need to do things that don’t come naturally to you.
Once you get into the according situation, you slip into this role – using a totem can help you do that.
You do what the Law of Attraction is teaching as well: You act as if.
Say you need to be fearless to hold a presentation. You could slip into the role of Tony Stark, who is charismatic and brave and wouldn’t so much as blink at having to carry a presentation.
Lots of people use Alter Egos to help them overcome difficulties. Even Beyoncé used an Alter Ego!
The beauty of this Alter Ego Effect is that the more often you slip into your Alter Ego’s role, the more this role becomes your identity.
By acting as if you discover what you were capable of all along, it will become second nature to you.
So now, every time I get nervous about something, I imagine someone, who would do this with ease, and I try to slip into this person’s shoes.
Focusing on this task keeps the anxiety at bay.
Like many people, I had a tendency to want to start new habits or projects on Mondays or the beginning of a new month, or January 1st.
Theoretically, I knew, of course, that this procrastination was entirely unnecessary.
But only once I actually started a new project at the end of November, instead of waiting for the New Year, and saw how much I already had achieved by January 1st, did it really hit home.
Now, this has become almost a game for me. Every time I get inspired to start a new habit or project, I try to start it as soon as possible and see how far I can come until the next Monday, month, or January 1st.
There have been many instances in the last few years in which I imagined things to be vastly more difficult and time-consuming than they actually turned out to be once I sat down and committed to stick to them.
For years, I’ve always wanted to do splits and be flexible, but I never had enough motivation to stick with a daily stretching routine.
Then finally, two weeks before the new year started, I began stretching daily. Shortly after the New Year, I did my first ever proper splits.
At the same time, I also tried to learn how to juggle – another skill I’ve always admired. I managed to juggle with three balls (working on four currently) even before the New Year.
The first two years I did my taxes, I always dreaded how long it would take until I realized that if I organize things properly throughout the year, I can get it done within a few short hours.
I always admired people who read one book a week. While I did read daily, it was only so few pages that some books took me over a month to finish.
Suddenly, as I was motivated, I gave myself the New Year’s challenge to read 4 books within a month next year.
And I did just that straight at the beginning of the year in January. And because it was so surprisingly easy, I did it in February as well, and by now, reading one book a week is the rule, while taking longer than that is an exception.
These are just a few of my most recent examples, but they show that things can often be accomplished far quicker than we expect if we commit to putting in a focused effort.
Read also: How I Read One Book A Week – 11 Tips To Read More
I used to feel uncomfortable voicing my opinion because I was aware it could change at any time with new information.
And since I am always very much aware of how much I don’t know, the chance of my opinion changing is pretty high.
So imagine my delight when I read “Think Again,” and the author actually encourages you to think again often and change your mind as well.
The book gives many real-life examples of why rethinking often and always being open to changing your mind if convincing evidence arises are important for individual success and collective harmony.
Read also: Reading List For Personal Growth
Have you ever anticipated the time after a bothersome exam or test? Have you imagined how you would feel soooo awesome after finally being rid of the test and how you would chill so much and have so much fun?
And then, the test comes around, you get it done, and finally, that free-time you’ve anticipated so much has arrived, but … it’s just ok.
There are no emotional fireworks, and you don’t feel like a whole new person. Yes, you are relieved to have put that test behind you, but other than that, not much has changed.
Well, chances are it’s the same story with the money and success you are craving.
Sure, initially, you will feel incredible, but soon enough, you will settle back into your (albeit slightly elevated) lifestyle and continue like before.
That’s at least the realization I’ve had. Achieving all the goals, I am dreaming of won’t change my entire life. Probably 50-75% of what I am doing right now on my day-to-day basis, I will continue doing then.
I often see that in celebrities as well.
They watch Netflix just like the rest of us. They go to work, eat, sleep, have a skincare routine, hang out with friends, drive to and from places just like we do.
Sure, they don’t worry about money when buying that Netflix subscription or when they get their groceries delivered for them. They might also have more expensive skincare products and cars than we do.
But the core of most things they do is not so much different from what ordinary people do.
This lesson has caused a big mindset shift for me. I’m less desperate about achieving my goals now, and I get to enjoy my daily routine more.
Also, having learned this lesson, it is now much easier to visualize myself living my dream life already.
Try it out for yourself!
Again, I knew this in theory already but only recently had I realized that my mindset has shifted.
In the past, I was craving to have more money to buy expensive things or even just normally priced stuff without having to worry about how much I’m spending.
And yes, sure, I still want these things – be it a sports car, a luxurious home, or a MUSE headband for meditation.
But now, I’ve noticed that my focus has shifted more to what I could do once I have the time and money for it.
I’m dreaming about learning how to fly a glider, ride a horse, or martial arts.
I imagine myself travel comfortably in first class and staying in luxurious places for a whole month so that I can thoroughly experience the country I’m traveling to.
I visualize myself getting massages, going to the dermatologist, and just taking care of my body on a whole new level.
My idea of success has become less materialistic and is far more about the kind of lifestyle I experience.
Feeling comfortable and stylish in what I wear makes a huge impact on my mindset and, as a result, my performance throughout the day.
And I’m not just talking about clothes I wear to go out. This includes what I wear for workouts or to sleep.
I absolutely hate it when I feel like my clothes don’t match or if they don’t fit properly. My focus constantly gets directed back to this issue, and I feel incredibly self-conscious.
On the other hand, if I wear comfortable, flattering, and matching clothes, I feel like I can rock whatever the day throws at me.
Therefore I take great care in selecting clothes, which isn’t all that easy as a petite woman.
It’s an ongoing battle, but I’ve made great progress in the last few years and cultivated a wardrobe I am increasingly happy with.
Don’t underestimate the power of fashion!
This was such an aha-moment for me when I read about this in “Moonwalking with Einstein.”
Our perception of time is very subjective. Time in itself passes by at a steady speed, but some people feel like the last year passed by in the blink of an eye, and for others, it seemed to take an eternity.
Why do they perceive the same timespan so differently?
The answer: If nothing memorable happens in our days, they start to blend into each other. Looking back, you can’t accurately tell how much time has passed because you have no mental benchmark to rely on.
Therefore the solution to making your life feel long and not like it passed by in the blink of an eye is to fill it with as many memories as possible.
Do new things regularly to create those memories. Don’t live through the same routine each day, every day.
You can also sum up every day with a sentence in a journal. This will help you to keep things memorable.
I believe that passions are not so much discovered as they are developed.
Often passions follow experience and skills. You might hate playing tennis at the beginning because you suck at it. But once you can fight a decent match, you might develop a real passion for the sport.
Unfortunately, the older we get, the more uncomfortable we feel starting something new.
For some reason, many people are embarrassed by failing in those awkward beginning stages of any new activity, as if your age should automatically bring a certain skill level.
I strive not to let the awkwardness and failure stop me.
There are so many things I haven’t done in my life yet. So many hobbies I want to try that I’ve been putting off.
In any number of them, I could develop a passion that lights up my soul. A love I would miss out on if I don’t try out something new.
If people ask me what I do for fun, I want to have a whole list of activities I can name instead of having to rack my brain for something to say.
I simply want to taste life to its fullest.
And so should you!
Phew … what a long blog post.
But I guess this shows how many important lessons I’ve learned! ^^
What was your favorite lesson that I’ve mentioned?
And more importantly, what is the most important lesson you’ve learned in your time on earth so far? And how old are you?
I’d love to hear your thoughts!
Until next time,
Sophie
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