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Most often in life, it isn’t the circumstances we live under that keep us from living the life of our dreams – although we like to tell ourselves that. No, the thing that keeps us from having success and being happy is our self-sabotaging habits.
If you are reading this, you are a Felicity Seeker like me. Our quest for an extraordinary life forces us to become more self-aware. Therefore, I am sure you already know and have admitted to yourself that you do have self-sabotaging habits.
Maybe you even already got rid of some of them. In that case, congratulations! You are already one step closer to that extraordinary life than most people.
Whether or not you’ve already mastered some of your worst habits, there are most likely always a few of them you still practice.
Transforming self-sabotaging habits into good ones isn’t a one-time task. Throughout your life, you will continue to adopt negative habits unconsciously. That’s completely normal.
The key to a happy life is that you stay self-aware so that you can recognise these habits as soon as possible and then take action to get rid of them.
This is where this list should come in helpful. As you read through the different points, analyse yourself, and see if you practice any of these habits. Maybe even ask someone close to you what they think.
Most importantly, you need to be honest with yourself. Denial won’t get you what you seek.
This page contains affiliate links. If you purchase a product through one of them, I will receive a commission (at no additional cost to you). I only ever recommend products that I have personally used and loved. Thank you for your support!
1. Negative Self Talk
Do you ever find yourself saying things like:
- “Oh, I am so clumsy.”
- “I am stupid. How could I do that?”
- “I am simply not smart enough to study that.”
- “Oh, I’ve got absolutely no talent in that.”
If you’ve ever noticed yourself thinking or saying anything like that, you need to STOP IT IMMEDIATELY!!!!!!!
Through thinking and saying these things, you condition yourself to actually being like that. But you could be so much more!
Jen Sincero first introduced me in her book “You Are A Badass” to the concept that we tell ourselves specific stories.
Unconsciously we do this because we get something out of them. Sometimes they are an excuse for us why we didn’t achieve much. Sometimes we want to get sympathy from others. Or they are simply an excuse for us, why we don’t even need to try something.
One story I found I always tell myself is that I am just not good at learning stuff by heart or that I am simply no auditory learner. As soon as I realised that, I started to stop myself whenever I thought one of these stories. Instead, I would repeat a positive affirmation.
“I can remember things quickly and effortlessly.”
I still haven’t completely overcome that self-sabotaging habit. But from time to time, I do get that glimpse that I am actually capable of studying quickly and effortlessly. So why should I tell myself otherwise?
2. Procrastination
There are countless videos and articles on the internet on how to stop procrastinating and instead hustle until there is no tomorrow. So I don’t want to go into too much detail on that.
I am also sure you already know that you are procrastinating when you are watching Netflix or YouTube videos instead of doing work.
But there is a different kind of procrastination. One that I find myself doing from time to time. I call it the “productive procrastination.”
When you procrastinate productively, you merely do a different task that needs to be done, although you do know that it isn’t urgent or essential.
Productive procrastination is somewhat tricky because it doesn’t leave you with the guilt of usual procrastination. But it still results in the same problems for the task you delay.
3. Perfectionism
Perfectionism can be a great thing. It can be a habit that will make you stand out from everyone else.
However, you need to know when it is time to be a perfectionist, and when you simply need to move on.
For example, a lot of people who want to start a business, are waiting for that “perfect” time, when all the stars are aligned to get started.
That’s self-sabotaging perfectionism. There will never be that perfect time, so waiting for it is merely wasting your time. Yes, maybe next month will be better for you to get started with your business because right now, you have a lot of things going on, and if you take on any more tasks, you might burn out.
The key is to realise when your perfectionism has been going on for too long and when it has only become an excuse because you are afraid to take that next step.
4. Limiting yourself to other people´s opinions
Do you notice your thoughts and feelings being shaped by other people? It can be as simple as you loving a movie until you hear others criticising it.
Or you might adopt the belief that money is hard to earn, that you cannot start a successful business with little money and within a year from home while being a full-time student.
Just because other people think that, doesn’t mean you need to believe it, too!
Stop paying so much attention to other people’s opinions and instead listen to your feelings.
5. Rushing through life
This might be one of the saddest self-sabotaging habits that, unfortunately, seems to have grown into a widespread problem of the 21st century.
People nowadays always look into the future, to the next task they need or want to do.
Few people appreciate the moment they are living in right now.
Not only does this habit make you more anxious about events outside of your control and reduces your happiness. It will also lead to you realising sooner or later, that you haven’t lived at all.
If you want to go more in-depth on this topic, I highly recommend you to read The Power of Now by Eckhard Tolle. I also have it listed on my Reading List for Personal Growth.
6. Acting out of a place of lack
I genuinely believe that the energy you send out into the universe you receive back. The best example for that is one of those days where simply everything seems to go wrong. Did you ever wonder why that is?
It happens because, after that first mishap, it could be you stubbing your toe, you enter a negative state of mind. You cuss out the universe and continue your morning quite grumpily. Then the next thing you know is that you’ve spilled your coffee, which sours your mood even more and so on.
If you act out of a place of lack, you are only attracting more of that lack into your life. Instead, make it a habit to respond out of a place of abundance and see how it changes your life in the long run.
Next time you write an exam, go in there like you have the confidence and brains of Tony Stark and Sherlock Holmes combined. You have to write that exam anyway, so why act all miserable and keep telling yourself that you are going to fail?
Why not tell yourself that you are going to rock this! The worst that will happen is that you are a bit disappointed if it didn’t work out, but at least you were happier doing it.
7. Not setting and sticking to clear boundaries
You have to set clear boundaries in your life! Eliminate that habit of always saying “Yes” to requests. Learn to say no. Not only to others but also to yourself, when you feel like you have to keep pushing even though you deserve that time off.
Life gets so much easier and more enjoyable if you have clear boundaries.
8. Searching for external happiness
Happiness can only be found within. If you can’t find joy in your current life, more money, better looks, or a relationship will not be able to bring it to you either.
Why else do you think are there so many celebrities, who seemingly have it all, but are depressed or even commit suicide?
Stop searching for external happiness and instead focus that energy on cultivating inner happiness. It will not be a quick process, but it will be one you will benefit from for the rest of your life!
9. A lack of self-care
Stop pushing yourself over your limits! No success or happiness is waiting for you if you don’t make it a habit to take care of yourself!
10. Following drama
Yes, drama can be fun. Especially we women seem to LOVE drama. However, the drama also distracts you from your own life, and it more often than not brings out the not so good parts of you.
So be careful of the dose of drama you surround yourself with.
11. Escaping life through entertainment
Have you ever wondered why people are so obsessed with entertainment in the form of YouTube, Social Media, or Netflix?
Why they use it to procrastinate essential tasks they should be doing?
One big reason for that is that entertainment is an effortless way to escape the difficulties or unpleasantness of real life.
I am sure you know that feeling of losing yourself in an excellent series or a thrilling movie. You forget everything around you, and time seems to fly by. You are diving into the fictional world and through that escaping your reality.
I am not saying that entertainment per se is bad. The variety of entertainment we humans have created is simply stunning! You can experience every possible emotion through entertainment and find immense inspiration and motivation in it.
But the key is to use it intentionally as a tool for something good. Not to escape your unpleasant reality.
You should replace that self-sabotaging habit of escaping reality through entertainment, by taking massive action to shape life into something you never want to avoid.
If you’ve taken the time to honestly analyse yourself and check that none of these habits apply to you, you can pat yourself on the back.
Not many people would take the time to do that and sacrifice their “precious” Netflix time. This proves that you have it in you to create that extraordinary life of your dreams.
All you need to do now is take one step after the other. Just keep the ball moving. If you do that, you will reach your goals.
An incredible way to keep moving forward is my Reading List for Personal Growth. How many of these amazing books have you already read?
I wish you all the happiness in the world!
Sophie
